persistently, abundantly, miraculously

1.22.18 ~ Cork, Ireland ~ Katherine has been taking good care of her beloved Purple Penguin ♡ photo by Larisa

One morning you might wake up
to realize that the knot in your stomach
had loosened itself and slipped away,
and that the pit of unfilled longing in your heart
had gradually, and without your really noticing,
been filled in — patched like a pothole, not quite
the same as it was, but good enough.

And in that moment it might occur to you
that your life, though not the way
you planned it, and maybe not even entirely
the way you wanted it, is nonetheless —
persistently, abundantly, miraculously —
exactly what it is.

~ Lynn Ungar
(The Way It Is)

After recovering from surgery and the bad cold I then had about a week of feeling good. I couldn’t wait to get back to my chores and even happily spent a morning giving the bathroom a thorough cleaning. It was fun to go food shopping with Tim, run errands together, cook a few meals, do some laundry, and enjoy a lovely long walk on the beach.

Then Wednesday I had my first radiation treatment and it went very well. But the predicted side effect of fatigue hit the next morning and I wound up sleeping most of the day. If that is the only side effect, though, I am grateful. I still feel sapped. Being a morning person usually full of vim, vigor and vitality, I woke up this morning wondering why on earth I felt so sluggish and it took me an hour or so to figure out that it must be lingering fatigue from the treatment. (And why was I looking for the eggs in the dishwasher?)

So Tim volunteered to do some food shopping today. And I am going to make a packing list!

Tim and the kids planned visits to fill the two week period between my 2nd and 3rd treatments! I will be getting my 2nd treatment (at Smilow Cancer Hospital in New Haven) on Wednesday and then going straight to Providence to catch a flight to Ireland to see Larisa & Dima and Katherine!!! And then the next week we will go to Georgia to see Nate & Shea!!! We will arrive home the night before my 3rd and final treatment.

I may be a tired blob but at least these trips will help pass the time and my radiation oncologist thinks they are a great idea. I do hope I get to see Blarney Castle and more of Cumberland Island National Seashore. But whatever happens it will be wonderful seeing the kids again. ♡

endometrial cancer ~ workforce reduction

12.16.17 ~ Katherine and Dima in Ireland ~ photo by Larisa

So, we’ve had a couple of nasty surprises in the past few weeks.

It turned out that my uterus was not only full of pre-cancerous cells, but also was harboring endometrial cancer that had spread more than 50% into the myometrium layer. So while I was still under anesthesia the surgeon took some lymph nodes to be examined to determine if the cancer had spread any farther. We had to wait two weeks for the lab results. Thankfully the lymph nodes were negative. Good news. Hopefully all the cancer has been safely removed but I will have to have two weeks of radiation in January out of an abundance of caution. Meanwhile I have three and a half more weeks to heal from the surgery. I’m not allowed to lift anything over 5 lbs. but have begun puttering around the house between long naps.

My sister-in-law came for the first two weeks and took very good care of me and cooked all of our meals. Tim’s brother came after the first week ~ it was fun having both of them around and helped the waiting-for-lab-results time to pass more quickly. Thank you, Dan & Fran!!!

They say when it rains, it pours. Well, Friday was Tim’s last day of work. “Workforce reduction” to use corporate-speak. What a “thoughtful” Christmas gift…

Time for another nap. I understand fatigue is par for the course, all energy going to healing. But I wanted to let my readers know how I am doing. Hope to be back visiting blogs soon. Steady as we go.

a new visitor

7.24.17 ~ house finch by Timothy Rodgers

Yesterday afternoon a flash of bright red in the arborvitae trees behind our condo caught my eye. This little fellow was feasting away on the tree’s seeds, off and on, all afternoon. When Tim got home he decided to take some pictures through the sliding glass doors. My Facebook friends helped me to identify him.

7.24.17 ~ house finch by Timothy Rodgers

I know most people don’t feel the same way, but the weather yesterday was wonderful! The temperatures were about 20 degrees below normal and we got a good soaking rain. It felt like October! What a pleasant respite from the heat of summer ~ no hum from the air conditioner and a visit from this sweet little bird.

wishing for snow

2.22.15 ~ two years ago… Groton, Connecticut

It’s been three weeks (and two days) since Tim’s surgery and healing is coming along nicely, slowly and steadily, without any of the possible complications making an appearance. Visiting nurses continue to come three times a week to take measurements and change the wound dressing. Since we were told to expect a four to six week recovery time it looks like everything is going very well. Tim is comfortable in his recliner.

Sadly, while Tim was in the hospital his uncle died and then a couple of days after he got home his sister-in-law died. So many things at once…

We’ve only had one big snowstorm this January (the day after surgery so I couldn’t visit Tim that day) so I’m still waiting patiently for some snow. As long as it doesn’t come on a day when we are scheduled to visit the surgeon for follow-up appointments! The weather report indicates this spring-like weather pattern will give way to a more natural and snowy February. I do hope so!

surgery update

5.16.15 ~ Venice, Italy

Just a quick update: Tim came home from the hospital yesterday and this morning we are waiting for his first visiting nurse to arrive. He is comfortable on Tylenol and starting to resume a normal diet.

The laparoscopic surgery did not go quite as planned. After an hour the surgeon decided to open him up go in the traditional way. So Tim was in surgery for six long hours. Thankfully my sister was waiting with me.

The surgeon said Tim will likely never have a bout of diverticulitis again!

He will have a huge (10 inches) scar across his lower left abdomen. It joins the huge scar from by-pass surgery (2007) down the middle of his chest. Battle scars… And we’ve been introduced to the concept of healing from the inside out. While his incision is held together with staples on either end, in the middle (4 inches) it remains a gaping open wound.

When a wound is deep … packing the wound can help it heal. The packing material absorbs any drainage from the wound, which helps the tissues heal from the inside out. Without the packing, the wound might close at the top, without healing at the deeper areas of the wound.
~ The American Association for the Surgery of Trauma

On the advice of the occupational therapist I went out and bought a recliner to make Tim more comfortable as he recovers for the next month or so. He’s walking around and doing the stairs, but in between moving around he needs a cozy place to rest. Hopefully the worst of it is behind us now.

sunshine on a rainy day

1.31.16 ~ Essex, Connecticut

It’s been a long while since I’ve posted much of anything besides quotes and paintings. That’s mainly my way of coping with stress, distracting myself with beautiful images and wise words.

Tim has been ill with recurring bouts of diverticulitis for several years now, getting more frequent and more severe this fall, and so the decision has finally been made to proceed with surgery, a sigmoid colon resection. Friday. My sister is coming to stay with me and sit with me during the operation. Larisa and Katie will be coming up after Tim gets home from the hospital. Recovery time is expected to be 4-6 weeks.

1.31.16 ~ Essex, Connecticut

We had our basement renovated this fall. I’m thrilled with the results — we now have heat in the guest room and the powder room and two new closets for storage and updated lighting and electrical outlets and fresh paint on the walls. But being the way I am it was stressful for me having noisy workmen in and out of the house at unpredictable times. I had to give myself a pep talk every morning for several weeks to keep my wits about me. But it was worth it in the end.

My aunt Lil died on October 27. She was 101 years old. I still have unresolved and complicated feelings about our relationship. She had a hard life, becoming a widow at an early age and then losing both her sons, one in a car accident at the age of 29 and the other from a fatal heart attack at the age of 48. Perhaps understandably, she became a very bitter person, and I had sympathy for her at times but it was so difficult spending time with her.

1.31.16 ~ Essex, Connecticut

And then there is the dark cloud hanging over our country now…


1.1.17 ~ Larisa and Katherine enjoy taking selfies for the grandparents, even on rainy days. They’re coming to visit soon!

I am full of gratitude to be living so close to many places where I can go and find grounding and healing in the natural world. And when I cannot get outside I hear the song birds singing, the gulls calling, the Canada geese honking — I love that sound — and enjoy the lovely water-reflected light that flows indoors.

There are many blessings we continue to enjoy, including our darling granddaughter. We’re looking forward to having her puttering around the house while Tim is recovering. Like her mother, our amazing daughter, she is a sweet ray of sunshine, even on a rainy day. 🙂

And our wonderful son, the computer wizard, who lovingly keeps things running smoothly here on my blog. I couldn’t maintain a presence here without him funding and watching over the many things that I fail to understand in the technical world. We had to cancel a January trip to Georgia to see him and his family, because of the surgery, but will reschedule as soon as possible. 🙂

I am surrounded with love and present moment awareness. Life is here/now.

safely gathered in

“The Harvest” by Frederick Morgan

Come, ye thankful people, come,
Raise the song of Harvest-home!
All is safely gathered in,
Ere the winter storms begin.
~ Henry Alford
(The Poetical Works of Henry Alford)

Happy Thanksgiving!

fun with the little one

Little Katherine and her mom, Larisa, visited us for a few days during a 10 day heat wave in July. It was miserably humid as well. One morning Larisa and I took Katherine to the aquarium where she was delighted to see so many fish and beluga whales and sea lions – all rescues I believe. And she got to touch a sting-ray! It was so much fun watching her discover so many new creatures because she is definitely an animal lover.

It was so humid outside we didn’t make it over to the penguin exhibit but even so, a penguin is what she picked out for a souvenir of the day. 🙂 She named him PB and even had supper with him. But the best part of the day was yet to come. When Grandpa Tim came home from work we all went down to the beach. Katherine loved chasing the bubbles her grandpa blew for her.

Not sure why some pictures came out blurry but they still capture some of the fun they were having. 🙂

Back at home I caught Katherine sitting in my spot, using my laptop. (If only I had thought to remove the bowl from the shot, but that might have disturbed her concentration.)


The next day Larisa and Katherine flew home. But we will be flying down there to visit them in September, so we still have another visit to look forward to. So many good-bye hugs and kisses. After they finally got home – there was a cancelled flight and other delays to deal with – we got this picture in an email from our sweet little granddaughter.


Dear Grammy & Grandpa,
Thanks for the lovely visit. PB the Penguin and I had lots of fun. I’m very tired. Airports are only fun for a little while. But Mommy played with me a lot. People were nice to me too.

meteorological mast
4.16.16 ~ Avery Point ~ “Pig Iron” by Timothy Kussow

It’s been a while since we went down to Avery Point so we decided to take a sunset stroll last night. Believe it or not, our bathroom renovation still is not finished. It started on February 29 and was supposed to be done on April 1. A series of tile and fixture delivery delays stalled the job at various points. We’re keeping our fingers crossed that the new bathroom door will be put in place this afternoon as promised…
4.16.16 ~ Avery Point

After taking showers at my sister’s apartment for five weeks at least we could finally use the shower here, but we still had no toilet and had to continue using the one in the basement. We’ve only had the new toilet for two days now… One thing I’m thrilled about is my new linen closet in the bathroom!!! No more running out in the hall dripping wet when we forget to get a towel!
meteorological mast ~ 4.16.16 ~ Avery Point

We discovered something new installed along the Avery Point sculpture walkway, a meteorological mast.
The Marine Sciences Program is located on UConn’s coastal campus at Avery Point, on the shores of Long Island Sound. Our Program includes the Department of Marine Sciences and the Marine Sciences and Technology Center. Within this program, faculty, staff, and students carry out cutting-edge research in coastal oceanography using cross-disciplinary approaches. We offer both undergraduate and graduate degrees that are characterized by an interdisciplinary foundation, high faculty-to-student ratio, and individualized plans of study and research. Our program offers the intimacy and support of a small campus, coupled with the resources of a top-notch public university and internationally renowned scientists. ~
I loved the mauve tint to the sky opposite of the sunset.
4.16.16 ~ Avery Point
4.16.16 ~ Avery Point
4.16.16 ~ Avery Point

We’ve never had a renovation done before – this has been a surreal experience. At last, though, I think I may have a touch of spring fever!