persistently, abundantly, miraculously

1.22.18 ~ Cork, Ireland
Katherine has been taking good care of her beloved Purple Penguin ♡
photo by Larisa

One morning you might wake up
to realize that the knot in your stomach
had loosened itself and slipped away,
and that the pit of unfilled longing in your heart
had gradually, and without your really noticing,
been filled in — patched like a pothole, not quite
the same as it was, but good enough.

And in that moment it might occur to you
that your life, though not the way
you planned it, and maybe not even entirely
the way you wanted it, is nonetheless —
persistently, abundantly, miraculously —
exactly what it is.

~ Lynn Ungar
(The Way It Is)

After recovering from surgery and the bad cold I then had about a week of feeling good. I couldn’t wait to get back to my chores and even happily spent a morning giving the bathroom a thorough cleaning. It was fun to go food shopping with Tim, run errands together, cook a few meals, do some laundry, and enjoy a lovely long walk on the beach.

Then Wednesday I had my first radiation treatment and it went very well. But the predicted side effect of fatigue hit the next morning and I wound up sleeping most of the day. If that is the only side effect, though, I am grateful. I still feel sapped. Being a morning person usually full of vim, vigor and vitality, I woke up this morning wondering why on earth I felt so sluggish and it took me an hour or so to figure out that it must be lingering fatigue from the treatment. (And why was I looking for the eggs in the dishwasher?)

So Tim volunteered to do some food shopping today. And I am going to make a packing list!

Tim and the kids planned visits to fill the two week period between my 2nd and 3rd treatments! I will be getting my 2nd treatment (at Smilow Cancer Hospital in New Haven) on Wednesday and then going straight to Providence to catch a flight to Ireland to see Larisa & Dima and Katherine!!! And then the next week we will go to Georgia to see Nate & Shea!!! We will arrive home the night before my 3rd and final treatment.

I may be a tired blob but at least these trips will help pass the time and my radiation oncologist thinks they are a great idea. I do hope I get to see Blarney Castle and more of Cumberland Island National Seashore. But whatever happens it will be wonderful seeing the kids again. ♡

15 thoughts on “persistently, abundantly, miraculously”

  1. Barbara,

    persistently, abundantly, miraculously —
    exactly what it is.

    Yes we have to discover that process of acceptance, in the moment, be present in it. Your journey and trips are healthy healing paths to wellness.
    Sending (((Hugs & Healing)))

    1. Thank you so much, Jeff. It is amazing how presence, and learning to live with uncertainty, will untie the knots in our stomachs and fulfill the longings in our hearts. Practicing these things in recent years has been a blessing and has brought me so much peace now. *hugs*

  2. It’s often astonishing, isn’t it, how the simplest, most mundane things can seem the height of luxury after a serious illness or period of trauma? Getting back into the swing of daily life – can seem like perfection whereas most of the time it seems anything but!

    I hope your travelling helps, too. Hugs!

    1. Thank you, Val! It is astonishing how simple chores can be so fulfilling when one has not been permitted to do them for a while! I hope I will keep this appreciation in mind for a while when my life settles down again. (I have to admit it was kind of fun having my sister-in-law here, waiting on me for two weeks of it. 🙂 )

  3. What a beautiful poem. Learning to live with uncertainty, just to be present, feeling all our feelings. It’s a gift when those knots loosen. I find that they loosen, and tighten again, and loosen, and tighten again, and loosen. But being present with them brings blessed hope and relief and greater joy. So very glad that you are going to visit your precious family in Ireland and then Georgia. I hope you will be feeling better, in between treatments. Many traveling mercies to you.

    1. I loved this poem, too, so simple and direct, it resonated with me because that is pretty much the way I’ve been feeling lately. Being present (for the most part) has been amazing and has brought me peace. I had to laugh at myself, though, how I was accepting all the “negative” developments gracefully (and patting myself on the back *smile*) but then I caught a bad cold and a knot tightened! Oh the drama… Thank you for the well wishes, my friend. *hugs*

  4. “persistently, abundantly, miraculously —” I love that. Love the whole quote, actually. I hope the treatments go well and do exactly what they are meant to do. Wishing you healing and as much energy as you need. I suspect being with family will perk up your energy levels considerably, but it not, take care and take it as slow as you need to. Safe travels, Barbara.

    1. Thank you, Robin. I love the poem, too. So pertinent to the peaceful way I’m feeling these days. I cannot think of any better medicine than being with my family. If nothing else, wanting to play with (keep up with) Katherine will perk me up! I hope to be on the receiving end of her doctoring, along with Purple Penguin. 🙂 Looking forward to a long walk with her in Irish countryside…

    1. Thank you, Tiny! Visited a wild animal park with Katherine, Larisa and Tim today and am looking forward to a weekend on the Dingle Peninsula. *hugs*

  5. Hi Barbara. I only want to know … if the egg was in the dishwasher and was it cooked??? Sorry to hear about your surgery/treatments but it will all be worthwhile in the end. Fatigue will pass. Jane

    1. No, the eggs weren’t in the dishwasher, only clean dishes. 🙂 I’m not normally so befuddled in the morning. But I finally located the eggs in the refrigerator and went on to make breakfast. Thank you for your well wishes, Jane.

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