We achieve some measure of adulthood when we recognize our parents as they really were, without sentimentalizing or mythologizing, but also without blaming them unfairly for our imperfections. Maturity entails a readiness, painful and wrenching though it may be, to look squarely into the long dark places, into the fearsome shadows. In this act of ancestral remembrance and acceptance may be found a light by which to see our children safely home.
~ Carl Sagan & Ann Druyan
(Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors)
Good one, Barbara … and so true. Our parents look much smarter today than they did when we were young.
Funny how that works, isn’t it, Frank? When we’re tiny they seem like perfect gods, then as teens we are disillusioned, and finally with maturity we can love them as the flawed but wonderful people they are.
Thank you, Barbara. I do hear the ring of truth in that quote. Perhaps we can only truly mature when we forgive our ancestors for their failings, learn from them, and refuse to perpetuate them on the next generation.
You’re welcome, Debbie. For the most part, I think our ancestors meant well in spite of those failings. I only hope our descendants will be as forgiving of our failings. Each generation seems to have its own to reckon with.
Barbara, I think we may not look forward to growing old, but the maturity and wisdom of our years is welcome. It’s good for us to reflect on years past as well.
I often think how great it would be if we could have had our current wisdom and maturity back when we were young and inexperienced, but this is the way it has always been, and probably the way it will continue to play out.
Yes, and my mother used to use an expression, which was not her own: “We are too soon old and too late smart.” How very true that is.
So very true. I’m just glad I lived long enough to get somewhat smarter!
Me too!
🙂
I love this quote, Barbara. Thank you for sharing it. 🙂
You’re welcome, Robin. It’s one of my favorites. The whole book is pretty amazing, too. 🙂
“…this act of ancestral remembrance and acceptance…” So profoundly true. It’s a gift to be able to see your parents as the adults they were through the lens of being an adult yourself.
It is the gift of maturity, isn’t it? I remember when I started to realize that the poor choices I made were my own decisions, and not to be blamed on my parents. Then it was easier to see them as they really were.