Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling into at night.
~ Edna St. Vincent Millay
(Letter to Witter Bynner, October 29, 1920)
The above words perfectly describe this strange new chapter in my life. Widowhood. I am still numb but doing well, thanks to all the love and support of family and friends. There is so much to do!
It took me a whole week to suddenly understand that I had no idea how to transfer photos from my camera to my laptop. Countless times Tim had offered to teach me how to do that and now it’s too late. What a gut punch that realization was.
Writing an obituary took a lot of time, it felt like a labor of love, trying to honor this wonderful man who shared over fifty years of life with me. It finally got published in a local newspaper but I also put it on a permanent page on this blog.
Family and friends have been taking walks with me. At some point I hope I will start posting with new pictures again, and trying to catch up with my blogging friends. All in good time.
Time, they say, is a great healer, Barbara. I can’t imagine the size of the hole in your world now. Please know you’re being thought about and prayed over by your blogging buddies, and we’ll be here when you heal enough to return. You did a lovely job with your obituary — no, they’re not easy to write, but writing gives us a sense of accomplishment and makes concrete our emotions. We never fully “get over” the loss of a dear one, but how blessed you must feel to have known and loved your Tim!
Thank you so much for your kind wishes and prayers, Debbie – they are so comforting to me. I do feel blessed to have shared so many years with my love, especially since without the miracles of modern medicine I would have lost him many years earlier. 🙏
Sending ((hugs & healing))❤️🩹
Thank you so much, my friend. 🙏
Oh Barbara, my heart is sad with yours. Sending loving thoughts and prayers for your grief.
Thank you so much, Susan. Tim thought the world of you and Phil and I’m so glad the four of us have some fond memories to share. 🙏
Barbara, I can’t imagine the pain of your loss after so many years together, but you’ve written a beautiful tribute to Tim, with attributes and love that tells us why you are numb from the loss of this special man.
I’m learning that the numbness is a blessing because it keeps such immense pain from breaking through all at once. Thank you for your comforting words, my friend, and for your patience and understanding. 💙🙏
Yes, numbness IS a blessing Barbara. The year 2025 was not kind to you at all – you have written here in your blog about several things, all pertaining to health this year, so these trials and tribulations have made you stronger for weathered them. This is the biggest heartache of all, so remember the good times, celebrating 50 years of marriage this year, undoubtably the best memory of 2025.
🙏
I have been lighting a soothing eucalyptus aloe or a relaxing eucalyptus sage candle daily thinking of you, Barbara. The solo mourning dove is so special for our hearts. 💙
Thank you so much, Teri. Yesterday I saw a kinglet, a junco and a titmouse outside my window and had the strongest urge to tell Tim to come see them. It was a comforting feeling. 💙
It is so difficult to lose a loved one. I can’t begin to imagine what you are experiencing. My thoughts are with you as you enter this new chapter of your life.
Thank you so much, Sheryl. It has been difficult but I feel surrounded with and comforted by the support and abundant love from my family and my friends.
I am so very sorry, Barbara. Sending you love and hugs.
Thank you so much, Robin. 💙
A beautiful tribute to Tim. I’m sure it will be a very busy visit in the spring for his memorial, but if there’s any chance you’d like to meet in person, I’d happily take a drive to Mystic to meet you for a coffee.
Thank you, Karma. I would love to meet you for a coffee, or a tea for me. 😉 I’ll let you know if it will seem possible when our plans start taking shape – we don’t even have a date yet. I’ve never met a blogging friend in person yet!