After a long and very ordinary day of chores and errands and making plans I suddenly lost my best friend. We were watching TV together, late in the evening, a program about building modular housing. Tim was making an observation about the process when he had a heart attack and died. This was how he had hoped his life would end, without having to suffer through a prolonged illness, and for that I am thankful. Farewell, my love. I am numb, and so lost without you.
11.11.25 Edit: It wasn’t a heart attack. The cause of death was ‘ventricular fibrillation resulting in sudden cardiac death.’ Cardiac arrest is different from a heart attack.
Peace and strength to you in the days ahead. My many memories bring you smiles and comfort.
Thank you, Frank. So many memories…
Oh Barbara, I’m so sorry. I’m glad that he passed in the manner he desired but I’m so sorry for the loss you feel. Frank said it well, may your memories bring you comfort.
Thank you so much, Anna. I’m learning that it is possible to feel gratitude and intense loss at the same time.
May the comfort of your children close by comfort you, Barbara. It is the best we can hope for is to pass on to the other side in the manner in which we desire. Tim will truly be missed. 💙😢💙
Thank you, Teri. My children have surrounded me with love and support, all while bearing their own feelings of loss over their beloved dad. We will get through this together. 💙
Thinking of you and Tim, and wishing you strength as you grieve. His loss is immense but he leaves a legacy of love and compassionate service to others. Hope you can take comfort from all his acts of kindness. He will be very much missed by those who knew him. Love to all.
Thank you, Maggie, for your kind words and hopeful wishes. It’s been comforting hearing so many stories about how Tim touched other lives, even from our new neighbor who he just met the day before he died. He will be deeply missed by many for a very long time.
Soft hug to you, dear Barbara- been there and remember well the shock and feeling of not ” getting it”
Thank you for the hug of understanding, Leelah. It means a lot to me that you know well what this new widowhood feels like. 💙
May his memory be for a blessing.
Thank you, my dear friend. 💙
I pray for the both of you🙏🌈❤️
God bless you with His love and enfold you in His light. 🙏🙏🙏🙏 for Tim’s journey before him.
Thank you Emily. I do appreciate your kindness, thoughts, and prayers.
So sorry for your loss. Grateful you were able to post about it. All your happy memories will shine now.
Thank you, Edith. There are so many happy memories, including all the walks I shared with him and posted here.
Oh Barbara what a shock for you. My deepest condolences and (((hugs))) to you and your family. RIP Tim.
Thank you, Rosie. Even though we knew this would happen sooner or later it was still a shock. I appreciate the hugs!
Dear Barbara,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband, Tim.
May you and your family be surrounded by loving support.
May God give you whatever your heart needs most now and in the coming days.
Sending love and prayers to you & yours.
Warmly,
Sandra D. (in CA)
Thank you Sandra. I do appreciate your kindness, thoughts, and prayers. We are feeling well supported and surrounded by so much love.
Oh, Barbara, how devastating. I am sorry you are facing your remaining years without your beloved at your side. Sending you and your family love as you move forward through this loss. 💔 😢
Thank you so much, Eliza. I already miss him terribly every time I go to share a random thought with him, but I’m sure I will gradually learn to live around the loss. 💙
💜 I can only imagine how your heart aches, Barbara. 🙁 Studies show it helps to continue to share your thoughts out loud with the departed. It eases the heart and mind in adjusting to the loss. So don’t hold back, share. 🙏🏼
I’m learning to do that. When I swept the leaves off the front porch the other day I had the strongest urge to go back inside and tell him not to worry, I would keep taking care of that chore for him. Maybe next time I will even say it out loud. 🙏🏼
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Oh, Barbara, I’m so sorry you’ve lost your love and best friend. I imagine the days (weeks) to come will try and challenge you as you seek to find a new center. Please know you’re in my prayers. How blessed Tim was, not having to suffer a debilitating illness and passing in the bosom of his home. If there’s anything any of us can do for you, please don’t hesitate to say so!
Thank you so much, Debbie. It’s amazing how simple routines like doing the laundry, loading and emptying the dishwasher have become even more meditative than they were previously. It gives me time to process in my mind his last day and hours and to feel grateful he didn’t suffer for a long time. I know that new center will come with time. Thank you for your prayers and kind words.
Be kind to yourself during this time, Barbara. Losing someone you love (and I know this from having lost both my parents) is one of those major life events. Take comfort in the memories you shared and know you’ll always keep him close in your heart. God bless!
Thank you so much, Debbie! Losing my husband is turning out to be a very different kind of grief than losing my parents was, which was bad enough. I just bought A Widow’s Guide to Healing which is confirming what I am discovering now. Losing my parents did not prepare me for this.
I don’t imagine anything could have prepared you for such a loss, my friend. Hugs!
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I’m so sorry to read this post Barbara – you know that all of our hearts go out to you as you grieve the loss of your beloved Tim, husband, father – your soulmate. I’m glad you are surrounded by family and others that cherished Tim just as you did. Hugs {{{ }}}.
Thank you for the hugs and your kind words, my dear friend. It’s been a surreal time, full of tears and laughter, as we remember some of his quirks and his sense of humor and feel the pangs of loss that we have to live without him now. He was the only person on this planet that I felt 100% myself with. I miss him so much.
Barbara, you’ve been in my thoughts and prayers since I read this sad post and you will continue to be as you navigate this new normal. I am so glad you are surrounded by family and that you are reliving the good times and instilling a little laughter into this sad time. You were lucky to find someone as special as Tim, your life companion and much much more. Take care dear friend.
Thank you so much, Linda. I was so very lucky to have Tim. He was my rock and I keep wishing he was here to help me through this shock the way he helped me through every other loss in my life. I found a book, A Widow’s Guide to Healing and I’m appreciating reading the thoughts of other widows. Nothing could have prepared me for this kind of pain.
I’m sure you have felt a state of disbelief this last week Barbara. I’m glad you found a book to help in the healing. A walker at the Park lost her husband suddenly five years ago. She was 40 years old and he was 45 as I recall. She joined a local group of widows and said it helped her. She said they would meet and also call one another to lend an ear when needed. I’ll bet there is an online group that might similarly be helpful to interact with others suddenly thrust into widowhood.
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Oh no Barbara! I’m so sorry for your loss. This is so very sad.
Thank you, Karma. He will always be with me, there in my heart.
Dear cousin Barbara!
How sad that fate separated you from your beloved Tim.
With a heavy heart, I send my sincere condolences to you and your family.
I pray that God will give him the bliss of Heaven and comfort you.
With deepest sympathy, your cousin Tetiana.
My dear cousin Tetiana, thank you so much for your kind and encouraging thoughts. There is much sadness in our lives and I know you’ve had more than your share. I pray for your safety every day. Tim was very interested in all the things I kept telling him about Tetiana every time you emailed me. I will miss sharing our discoveries with him.
I’m so sorry to hear of your husband’s passing. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.
Thank you so much, Sheryl. It is going to be a challenge getting used to living without him, but thankfully I do have a lot of loving support.
Barbara, words are not enough … just know I am sending thoughts of love and strength to you and your family. Take care, my friend. xx
Thank you, Joanne, your words were more than enough, and are much appreciated. 💙
Thinking of you. xx
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This is so very sad, Barbara. To lose him so unexpectedly. It feels impossible to know what to say. Just thinking about you every day and sending love and comfort.
Thank you so much, Kathy. It’s been 18 years since that first nearly fatal heart attack so I am grateful for all the added years we had together, and am comforted by my memories. Your kind thoughts mean the world to me, thank you.
I’m so very sorry about Tim, Barbara. I’m sure its a rollercoaster of emotions. Sending you hope and peace.
Thank you so much, Dawn. A lot of emotions are starting to pierce through the numbness – it does feel like a rollercoaster from moment to moment. I know the ride will smooth out with time.
Hello Barbara, I saw your 11.11.25 Edit earlier this week. I googled Vfib because I have never heard of it. It is also very different than Afib. Thank you for updating with the edit.